see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
