This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
