I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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