I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
