bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
