Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the day after is always just damage control
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
