seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
