yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
