I love black thongs
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
