your thong is hanging out like whoa
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
