Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up backwards on a recliner
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
