I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
