....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
