do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
