They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
