I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
