you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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