Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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