quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
