the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
