yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
