I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
