You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
