I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
