Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
