I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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