You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
