so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
