I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
