I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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