i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
