I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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