i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
