do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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