So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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