I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
