If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
love makes seman taste better
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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