I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
