singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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