Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This house was built for laser tag.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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