I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
