It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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