just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
