im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
