after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
