On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
