So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
