Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
