I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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