the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
