The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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