Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
