is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
