Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
