Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
