Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
