I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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