btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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