She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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