i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
